Inform Article

Mom, Do I Have to Hug Grandma?

01.25.2011
Posted by Sally Berenzweig of KidSafe Foundation
www.kidsafefoundation.org
Mom, Do I Have to Hug Grandma? picture
page from our new book

Do your relatives want to hug, kiss and touch your kids...but your kids sometimes don't want to? What do you do? Do you force your children to hug Uncle Joe or Nana Betty so as not to insult the adult? If so, this is the message you are sending your child:

"The wants and feelings of the adults are more important than your wants and feelings. I, the adult, can tell you what to do with your body."

This message is subliminal. You have sent the message to the child that even though you might not be comfortable, or perhaps not in the mood to give a hug, you have to. This makes a child feel powerless instead of feeling powerful and in control of how they share their bodies with others. We know parents don't intentionally want to send that message, but we do it all the time. Check out this scene:

Uncle Joe comes to visit and says to his niece, "Come give your Uncle a hug." She says, "No thanks." She then instead offers a high 5, knuckle bump, or a premade card, she is polite and assertive, and can even say, "It's great to see you." But she gets to decide if she wants to hug, kiss or touch Uncle Joe, because you the parent have explained that her body belongs to her, she is in charge, and she decides who to touch. You have just empowered her! You have just taught her about personal boundaries.

Imagine beginning this conversation at age 3. This empowerment of your child will be a gift for his/her lifetime. Why? Children who have a strong sense of self, and who have been empowered with personal safety education will not be as vulnerable to a predator in their midst. Giving a child the opportunity to rehearse this subliminal yet empowering experience, and to choose when and with whom to share their physical affections with their parents support, sends a strong and important lifelong message to the child.

Parents need to tell their children, "You do not have to be blindly obedient just because an adult tells you to do something."

Our new children's book, My Body is Special and Belongs to ME! Empowers children. Click the link below to view our children's book. The beautiful illustrations were done by a 15 year old artist, the daughter of two police officers. The message the book has to offer is through fun not fear, using rhyme, while teaching children that their bodies are special and empowering them that their bodies belong only to them. We also added an extensive parent section so you can feel comfortable continuing the learning. To get your book now and give the gift for a lifetime: www.kidsafefoundation.org/products